Molly and I have this quote from St. John Chrysostom framed, and sitting on our dresser:
“As if she were gold receiving purest gold, the woman receives the man’s seed with rich pleasure, and within her it is nourished, cherished, and refined. It is mingled with her own substance and she then returns it as a child! The child is a bridge connecting father to mother, so the three become one flesh. . . And here the bridge is formed from the substance of each!”
- from Homily XII on Colossians
The early Church fathers have a reputation, not entirely undeserved, for being a little uptight when it comes to sexual matters (Origen and St. Augustine, for two large examples). But God bless St. John. Here he describes sex in terms any married couple could appreciate – ‘the woman receives the man’s seed with rich pleasure. . .’ Yeah, that fits with our experience. And his description of the child as the ‘one flesh’ of husband and wife has always resonated with me. He carries strong echoes (or, more truly, foreshadowings) of the Theology of the Body, 16 centuries before the fact.
So, thank God for St. John Chrysostom. And I would heartily recommend to any of my blog-friends the rich little book of his homilies On Marriage and Family Life.
Showing posts with label theology of the body. Show all posts
Showing posts with label theology of the body. Show all posts
Friday, March 27, 2009
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
Sexual Wisdom. . . From the Pope?
In recent years, Molly and I have made a fairly comprehensive study of the late pope’s Theology of the Body, and it has really enriched our marriage, especially our sexual relationship. Perhaps it seems counter-intuitive that theology (and perhaps Catholic theology all the moreso) could improve anyone’s sex life, but that has definitely been our experience.
I touched on the Theology of the Body in this previous post, and Molly gave her perspective in this post. Today, I wanted to give you all a fascinating quote from Love and Responsibility, the philosophical foundation for the Theology of the Body, which the late pope wrote in 1960, when he was the auxiliary bishop of Krakow, and still went by the name of Karol Wojtyla:
“Intercourse must not serve merely as a means of allowing sexual excitement to reach its climax in . . . the man alone, but climax must be reached in harmony, not at the expense of one partner, but with both partners fully involved. . . Love demands that the reactions of . . . the sexual ‘partner’ be fully taken into account. . .
“There exists a rhythm dictated by nature itself which both spouses must discover so that climax may be reached both by the man and by the woman, and as far as possible occur in both simultaneously. . .
“Non-observance of these teachings of sexology in the marital relationship is contrary to the good of the other partner to the marriage and the durability and cohesion of the marriage itself. . . There is a need for harmonization, which is impossible without good will, especially on the part of the man, who must carefully observe the reactions of the woman. If a woman does not obtain natural gratification from the sexual act there is a danger that her experience of it will be qualitatively inferior, will not involve her fully as a person. . . Frigidity. . . is usually the result of [selfishness] in the man, who failing to recognize the subjective desires of the woman, and the objective laws of the sexual process taking place in her, seeks merely his own satisfaction. . .”
The language is a tad ‘clinical’ and ‘high-falutin’, but bishop Wojtyla is telling men not to be sexually selfish, to be considerate of the sexual needs of their wives, and to work at seeing that she comes to climax; if not, your marriage will suffer. Not the sort of thing that one necessarily expects to encounter from a Catholic bishop, let alone the future pope, but there you have it.
And good advice, too, as far as it goes. . .
(6 comments)
I touched on the Theology of the Body in this previous post, and Molly gave her perspective in this post. Today, I wanted to give you all a fascinating quote from Love and Responsibility, the philosophical foundation for the Theology of the Body, which the late pope wrote in 1960, when he was the auxiliary bishop of Krakow, and still went by the name of Karol Wojtyla:
“Intercourse must not serve merely as a means of allowing sexual excitement to reach its climax in . . . the man alone, but climax must be reached in harmony, not at the expense of one partner, but with both partners fully involved. . . Love demands that the reactions of . . . the sexual ‘partner’ be fully taken into account. . .
“There exists a rhythm dictated by nature itself which both spouses must discover so that climax may be reached both by the man and by the woman, and as far as possible occur in both simultaneously. . .
“Non-observance of these teachings of sexology in the marital relationship is contrary to the good of the other partner to the marriage and the durability and cohesion of the marriage itself. . . There is a need for harmonization, which is impossible without good will, especially on the part of the man, who must carefully observe the reactions of the woman. If a woman does not obtain natural gratification from the sexual act there is a danger that her experience of it will be qualitatively inferior, will not involve her fully as a person. . . Frigidity. . . is usually the result of [selfishness] in the man, who failing to recognize the subjective desires of the woman, and the objective laws of the sexual process taking place in her, seeks merely his own satisfaction. . .”
The language is a tad ‘clinical’ and ‘high-falutin’, but bishop Wojtyla is telling men not to be sexually selfish, to be considerate of the sexual needs of their wives, and to work at seeing that she comes to climax; if not, your marriage will suffer. Not the sort of thing that one necessarily expects to encounter from a Catholic bishop, let alone the future pope, but there you have it.
And good advice, too, as far as it goes. . .
(6 comments)
Friday, September 29, 2006
With My Body, I Thee Worship - A Molly's-Eye View
OK, we’re all in for a treat today. Molly read my ‘With My Body, I Thee Worship’ post, and she had some definite thoughts of her own. I asked her to write them down to post here, and she did. So, without further ado, I bring you my wife, Molly Jones. . .
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With my body, I thee worship.
I love this phrase because it captures, stunningly, the spiritual nature of my intimate relationship with my husband. When one speaks of worship, something holy is being talked about. Sex, holy? Oh, yes; so, so yes. It is from, through, for, with and about God (communion of persons; an image of Christ and His Church).
People know this intuitively. Sex is one of the deepest pleasures of human experience (some would say it's the deepest pleasure). Being conscious of that truth, I can give myself completely to my husband. We are refreshed, renewed, and, in a real way, more tightly cemented together. We marvel together at how it just keeps getting better and better.
Not without struggle and work, though – “Would you please stop reading those sex books; they make me feel slimy”; “You want to try what?” Oh, okay; I’ll give it a try. . . And a few weeks later – you know, I kinda like that!
You see, it’s because it’s not about me, it’s about my husband – how can I show my love for him? Just like worshipping God is not about me, it’s about God. Of course, there are distractions, irritations and setbacks, but they’re ever so brief because the good is so very good. Neither of us can stand to hang around in the muck for very long.
To me, “with my body, I thee worship” means all the time, not just in bed. Kinda like worshipping God is not just in church, but it’s how one lives. So, with my body (and really, my whole self), I work very hard at domestic stuff – cooking, cleaning, laundry – and with my mind and my voice, I work at expressing honor, dignity and reverence in how I think and speak about my husband. (It just makes me cringe when I hear women disparage their own husbands.) You see, my thoughts give rise to my actions. . .
But we aren’t this ‘ideal’ couple; we don’t live ‘in the clouds’, and we’re not meaning to be ‘holier-than-thou’. We’ve just been given a great grace. . .
Vince Lombardi said, “Fatigue makes cowards of us all” (hey, with five sons, we talk about football a lot at our house). A while ago, I just got tired of cooking (I’m sure Des has mentioned all the cooking I’m doing to support his weight loss), and I was getting resentful and martyr-y; it actually went on for a day or two. Quite ugly, really; I don’t like myself when I’m selfish. I don’t even remember how we got out of it. Maybe he was responding in kind and it shocked me, maybe I just got some extra sleep, or maybe we had some wonderful intimacy. . . but we got over it.
The thing is, it’s also a great grace just to see things for what they are. “You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” And the truth is, I love my husband, and he loves me. And my love for him is a conscious choice every day.
Someone asked if I feel the same way about Desmond as he feels about me; probably not the same – we’re different people. I love him as an expression of who I am, and he loves me as an expression of who he is.
But, “with my body, I thee worship” – yes; oh, yes!
(8 comments)
-------------------------
With my body, I thee worship.
I love this phrase because it captures, stunningly, the spiritual nature of my intimate relationship with my husband. When one speaks of worship, something holy is being talked about. Sex, holy? Oh, yes; so, so yes. It is from, through, for, with and about God (communion of persons; an image of Christ and His Church).
People know this intuitively. Sex is one of the deepest pleasures of human experience (some would say it's the deepest pleasure). Being conscious of that truth, I can give myself completely to my husband. We are refreshed, renewed, and, in a real way, more tightly cemented together. We marvel together at how it just keeps getting better and better.
Not without struggle and work, though – “Would you please stop reading those sex books; they make me feel slimy”; “You want to try what?” Oh, okay; I’ll give it a try. . . And a few weeks later – you know, I kinda like that!
You see, it’s because it’s not about me, it’s about my husband – how can I show my love for him? Just like worshipping God is not about me, it’s about God. Of course, there are distractions, irritations and setbacks, but they’re ever so brief because the good is so very good. Neither of us can stand to hang around in the muck for very long.
To me, “with my body, I thee worship” means all the time, not just in bed. Kinda like worshipping God is not just in church, but it’s how one lives. So, with my body (and really, my whole self), I work very hard at domestic stuff – cooking, cleaning, laundry – and with my mind and my voice, I work at expressing honor, dignity and reverence in how I think and speak about my husband. (It just makes me cringe when I hear women disparage their own husbands.) You see, my thoughts give rise to my actions. . .
But we aren’t this ‘ideal’ couple; we don’t live ‘in the clouds’, and we’re not meaning to be ‘holier-than-thou’. We’ve just been given a great grace. . .
Vince Lombardi said, “Fatigue makes cowards of us all” (hey, with five sons, we talk about football a lot at our house). A while ago, I just got tired of cooking (I’m sure Des has mentioned all the cooking I’m doing to support his weight loss), and I was getting resentful and martyr-y; it actually went on for a day or two. Quite ugly, really; I don’t like myself when I’m selfish. I don’t even remember how we got out of it. Maybe he was responding in kind and it shocked me, maybe I just got some extra sleep, or maybe we had some wonderful intimacy. . . but we got over it.
The thing is, it’s also a great grace just to see things for what they are. “You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” And the truth is, I love my husband, and he loves me. And my love for him is a conscious choice every day.
Someone asked if I feel the same way about Desmond as he feels about me; probably not the same – we’re different people. I love him as an expression of who I am, and he loves me as an expression of who he is.
But, “with my body, I thee worship” – yes; oh, yes!
(8 comments)
Monday, September 18, 2006
With My Body, I Thee Worship
A while back, a phrase came into my mind (phrases do that to me, from time to time; it's my cross to bear), and it hasn’t left me alone ever since. I think it’s from an old form of the Anglican wedding service (incredibly geeky, I know, but what can I do?). Anyway, at one point during the vows, the bridegroom says to the bride: “With my body, I thee worship.”
With my body, I thee worship.
There is a real depth there, a real richness, that goes beyond merely “I love you,” or even, “I want to have a life and a family with you,” although those things are certainly included in it. It captures very well how I feel about my wife, and how I aspire to have my life be joined to hers.
On multiple levels, sex is an act of worship – Catholics would invoke the grace of the sacrament of Matrimony. But in a simpler, earthy sense, I can simply say that I mean to worship Molly. Not, obviously, in the same sense in which I worship God – I would mean something like ‘reverence’, or ‘venerate’, or ‘honor’ or ‘esteem’, but none of those words capture the full sense of what I mean the way that ‘worship’ does. Molly is worthy of veneration, just like, say, Catholic theology would say the saints are worthy of veneration, but she is the saint whose life is bound up with mine.
GK Chesterton wrote that being constrained to one woman was a small price to pay for the privilege of having even one woman, and that sense of reverential gratitude resonates deeply with me. Getting to know Molly – really know her – is like being let in on a great mystery. As a Christian, I want to go “further up and further in” – grow deeper in my love of God, and give myself more fully to Him. In an analogous way, I want to ‘go deeper’ in our marriage, and the life we have together. I want to know her better, be known better by her, give my life more fully to her, and that begins to get at the ‘worship’ I aim to give her.
In Holy Communion, Catholics believe that we receive Christ directly into our bodies (there is a very earthy aspect to Catholic theology that I find immensely appealing). In an analogous way, we give ourselves, and receive each other, directly into our bodies when we make love, under the covering of the sacrament of Matrimony. It’s all so rich, I can scarcely say what I really mean.
With my body, I thee worship.
Awesome.
(8 comments)
With my body, I thee worship.
There is a real depth there, a real richness, that goes beyond merely “I love you,” or even, “I want to have a life and a family with you,” although those things are certainly included in it. It captures very well how I feel about my wife, and how I aspire to have my life be joined to hers.
On multiple levels, sex is an act of worship – Catholics would invoke the grace of the sacrament of Matrimony. But in a simpler, earthy sense, I can simply say that I mean to worship Molly. Not, obviously, in the same sense in which I worship God – I would mean something like ‘reverence’, or ‘venerate’, or ‘honor’ or ‘esteem’, but none of those words capture the full sense of what I mean the way that ‘worship’ does. Molly is worthy of veneration, just like, say, Catholic theology would say the saints are worthy of veneration, but she is the saint whose life is bound up with mine.
GK Chesterton wrote that being constrained to one woman was a small price to pay for the privilege of having even one woman, and that sense of reverential gratitude resonates deeply with me. Getting to know Molly – really know her – is like being let in on a great mystery. As a Christian, I want to go “further up and further in” – grow deeper in my love of God, and give myself more fully to Him. In an analogous way, I want to ‘go deeper’ in our marriage, and the life we have together. I want to know her better, be known better by her, give my life more fully to her, and that begins to get at the ‘worship’ I aim to give her.
In Holy Communion, Catholics believe that we receive Christ directly into our bodies (there is a very earthy aspect to Catholic theology that I find immensely appealing). In an analogous way, we give ourselves, and receive each other, directly into our bodies when we make love, under the covering of the sacrament of Matrimony. It’s all so rich, I can scarcely say what I really mean.
With my body, I thee worship.
Awesome.
(8 comments)
Thursday, July 6, 2006
Being Pregnant
Molly and I have been married for almost 26 years, and we've had eight children together. That means that she's spent six years of her life being pregnant. Throw in roughly a year apiece that she's nursed them, and that's 14 years of her life that someone besides herself has been drawing on the resources of her body. That's amazing.
I have always been in awe of the female body, and not just because of its obvious sensual and aesthetic features. The capacity of the female body to nurture within itself a complete, distinct PERSON, touches on the holy. I mean, think of it - every one of us here today came into being in the exact same way, within our mother's womb. And while I'm thinking of it, every human being who has ever lived corresponds to an act of sexual intercourse between his/her parents (OK, with the one very high-profile exception . . .)
I have often told Molly that reproducing ourselves together is the coolest, most amazing thing we could ever do. In a way, it is the biblical 'one flesh' in its most concrete form (or, if you will, in our case, eight fleshes). I mean - think of it - we're making another PERSON out of the substance of the two of us, and our love for each other. Completely awesome. . .
(5/1 comments)
I have always been in awe of the female body, and not just because of its obvious sensual and aesthetic features. The capacity of the female body to nurture within itself a complete, distinct PERSON, touches on the holy. I mean, think of it - every one of us here today came into being in the exact same way, within our mother's womb. And while I'm thinking of it, every human being who has ever lived corresponds to an act of sexual intercourse between his/her parents (OK, with the one very high-profile exception . . .)
I have often told Molly that reproducing ourselves together is the coolest, most amazing thing we could ever do. In a way, it is the biblical 'one flesh' in its most concrete form (or, if you will, in our case, eight fleshes). I mean - think of it - we're making another PERSON out of the substance of the two of us, and our love for each other. Completely awesome. . .
(5/1 comments)
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