I dropped 4M off at the airport this morning. He's off on a two-week mission trip to one of the island-nations of the Caribbean. Not to complain overmuch, but for Molly and me, it was nice to finally get him on the plane. Because that means we're finally done with all the procuring of passports, and jungle-fever immunizations, and plane reservations, and wrangling over luggage (Isn't it amazing how hard it is, for even an honor student to understand that, if you have to pay extra for a bag over 50 pounds, that you should rather put 5 pounds into your carry-on bag, than have your checked bag come in at 52 pounds? When the only counter-argument is that five pounds of carry-on looks all bulky and dorky as one styles one's way through the airport? But, I digress. . .)
Our older girls went on a few different mission trips during their high-school years - They both went to Mexico at least once, and 2F spent several summers in Detroit (which, for all that it's close to home, is almost like a third-world country in its own right), and 1F spent one of her mission trips working with underprivileged kids in Canada, of all places. 3M never went on a 'formal' mission trip, but he's been to Canada a couple times, as well.
But 4M, since he played football, spent all his high-school summers doing conditioning, and couldn't (or didn't want to) free up the time to go on a mission trip, until now. So it'll be an interesting experience for him.
It's always a bit of a culture shock for nice American kids like ours to go to a 'third-world' country for the first time, and to see real, honest-to-goodness poverty up close and personal. We live close enough to what passes for poverty in OurTown, that poverty itself is not an exotic concept for our kids. But (not in the least to make light of the poor people in OurTown) poverty in OurTown is one thing; poverty in Latin America, or the Caribbean, is a whole 'nother order of magnitude. And somewhere in there, they make a friend or two, and they come to understand the humanity of the folks they encounter; they stop being 'The Poor' in-the-abstract, and become people, made in God's Image, with human dignity and personhood uniquely their own. And they come to understand something of God's love for human persons, and their fundamental human solidarity with other human beings, regardless of the staggering socio-economic disparity between themselves, and the people they serve.
And even at that, it's only for two weeks; after that, they get back on an airplane, and go back home to their life of American prosperity. It's possible for a kid to do his two weeks in the third world, and say, "That was nice," and go on like before, as if nothing had happened. But it's also possible for the kid to see a little deeper, and come to understand life, and humanity, a bit more clearly. It isn't guaranteed that they'll come home changed, but it's possible. Maybe even likely. And that's what I hope for my son.
I'm proud of 4M, in all kinds of ways. One of the things I'm proudest of in him, is that, for all the 'gifts' he's received from the Universe (so to speak) - good looks, popularity, athletic skill - he's not pretentious, or vain. Maybe that comes from his having played sports with some kids who come from very different, and less-blessed environments than what he has; but he really does accord the same human dignity to his less-blessed friends, as he does to the wealthy and talented ones. And that's not such a common thing.
So I think he'll do well with his mission trip. Certainly, we'll miss him while he's gone; and we'll pray for him every day. But regardless, we're proud of him for taking this on, and hopeful that it can be an occasion for him to see a bit more deeply into the heart of God. . .
Showing posts with label 4M. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 4M. Show all posts
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Moving On
As I've mentioned, we've had two graduations in our family this year. 4M graduated from high school, and 6F graduated from 8th grade; she is finished with her time at Tiny Catholic School, and next fall will be a freshman (freshwoman?) at Large Urban Public High. I am nowhere near old enough for my Little Peanut to be in high school, but whatcha gonna do?
6F's graduation means that next fall, our family will have only two children attending TCS. For the last 16 years (since 3M started kindergarten), there have been at least three (and sometimes four) Jones kids in the school, but not anymore. I hope the staff doesn't get too disoriented by that. There are still two teachers there who have a live possibility of teaching all eight of our kids - the 5th grade teacher just finished with 7M, so she only has to hang on four more years to achieve the Jones Family 8-Fecta. And the middle school reading teacher is 6-for-6, with 7M coming her way in another year or two. They're both about the same age as Molly and me, so their chances look pretty good. . .
6F is already hitting the ground running at LUPHS - she's signed on for the marching band's Flag Corps, which has a couple of her older friends in it. Our experience has been that the transition from TCS to LUPHS works a whole lot better if the kid has a social context to plug into. And for various reasons (not least the predominance of kids from two-parent families), the band tends to be a pretty good one. So, good for our girl on that count. . .
6F has, for most of her life to this point, been a pretty, um, mediocre student, much more interested in the social aspects of school life than in actual academics. So, Molly and I have had in the back of our minds (without actually saying anything to 6F) that she might want to head into more of a 'vocational' track than an academic one. But suddenly, in her 8th-grade year, she has buckled down and made an A-B student of herself. Which, by the general rule of the TCS-LUPHS transition, would track her into the top tier of LUPHS students. So, we've tabled our 'vocational' thoughts, and we're eager to see how she handles 'the Next Level'. . .
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4M had a pretty stellar high school career - four-year varsity football player, three-year starting quarterback (yeah, I have no idea how any kid of mine became a QB); Homecoming King, National Honor Society, etc, etc. He was a sprinter on the track team, and won himself the unofficial designation of 'The Fastest White Boy in OurTown' (again, I have no idea how this kid came from me, but Molly assures me that he did). (Actually, my coaches used to tell me that I was 'pretty fast for a fat guy', so maybe that, combined with Molly's 'lean gene', created a happy convergence.)
4M graduated as his class' Salutatorian, with a 3.987 GPA. They do things a bit differently these days, than when I was in school. The class had eight Valedictorians; anybody who graduates with a GPA above 4.0 is a Valedictorian. They add a point to grades for AP classes, so it's not uncommon (though still praiseworthy) for kids to graduate with GPAs above 4.0. Anyway 4M, with the highest GPA below 4.0, was the Salutatorian.
4M is an incredibly hard-working kid (which he gets from his mother, you can be sure); he is not brilliant, but he out-works kids who are brighter than he is. Combined with his open, out-going personality, he'll probably do well.
He won an engineering scholarship for two years at the community college, and two years at Mega-State U. It will be more demanding on an academic level than anything he's ever seen before. I don't really know if he's engineer material, or not; I think there's a big part of him that's more interested in teaching/coaching. And honestly, I'm fine with whatever he wants to do; I just hope he doesn't feel like he has to get an engineering degree to make me happy.
But I could hardly be more proud. 4M is just a really, really solid kid, and for a kid with the kind of 'popularity' that's been handed to him, he's amazingly well-grounded. More than one of his teachers have told us how he'd help the struggling kids in his classes, without any hint of condescension. And that, more than any grades, or honors, or awards, makes me proud of my son.
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So, our family is in a time of transitions. It is starting to dawn on Molly and me that we've got 11 years left before 8M graduates high school, which means we're nearly three-quarters of the way through what will be 38 years of raising minor children. And it's just starting to creep into our consciousness that, when it's over, much as it will be a relief, we'll miss it. We were at an open house for the youngest of eleven children of friends of ours, and the wife was saying, "We've never been 'just us'; all we've ever done is raise kids together. So now we've got to figure out who we are." That hasn't quite been the case for Molly and me, but by the time all's said and done, being parents together will have been pretty much THE huge, defining feature of both our lives, and our marriage.
I just hope that we'll have been faithful to our parental calling, as best we could be. . .
6F's graduation means that next fall, our family will have only two children attending TCS. For the last 16 years (since 3M started kindergarten), there have been at least three (and sometimes four) Jones kids in the school, but not anymore. I hope the staff doesn't get too disoriented by that. There are still two teachers there who have a live possibility of teaching all eight of our kids - the 5th grade teacher just finished with 7M, so she only has to hang on four more years to achieve the Jones Family 8-Fecta. And the middle school reading teacher is 6-for-6, with 7M coming her way in another year or two. They're both about the same age as Molly and me, so their chances look pretty good. . .
6F is already hitting the ground running at LUPHS - she's signed on for the marching band's Flag Corps, which has a couple of her older friends in it. Our experience has been that the transition from TCS to LUPHS works a whole lot better if the kid has a social context to plug into. And for various reasons (not least the predominance of kids from two-parent families), the band tends to be a pretty good one. So, good for our girl on that count. . .
6F has, for most of her life to this point, been a pretty, um, mediocre student, much more interested in the social aspects of school life than in actual academics. So, Molly and I have had in the back of our minds (without actually saying anything to 6F) that she might want to head into more of a 'vocational' track than an academic one. But suddenly, in her 8th-grade year, she has buckled down and made an A-B student of herself. Which, by the general rule of the TCS-LUPHS transition, would track her into the top tier of LUPHS students. So, we've tabled our 'vocational' thoughts, and we're eager to see how she handles 'the Next Level'. . .
-------------------------
4M had a pretty stellar high school career - four-year varsity football player, three-year starting quarterback (yeah, I have no idea how any kid of mine became a QB); Homecoming King, National Honor Society, etc, etc. He was a sprinter on the track team, and won himself the unofficial designation of 'The Fastest White Boy in OurTown' (again, I have no idea how this kid came from me, but Molly assures me that he did). (Actually, my coaches used to tell me that I was 'pretty fast for a fat guy', so maybe that, combined with Molly's 'lean gene', created a happy convergence.)
4M graduated as his class' Salutatorian, with a 3.987 GPA. They do things a bit differently these days, than when I was in school. The class had eight Valedictorians; anybody who graduates with a GPA above 4.0 is a Valedictorian. They add a point to grades for AP classes, so it's not uncommon (though still praiseworthy) for kids to graduate with GPAs above 4.0. Anyway 4M, with the highest GPA below 4.0, was the Salutatorian.
4M is an incredibly hard-working kid (which he gets from his mother, you can be sure); he is not brilliant, but he out-works kids who are brighter than he is. Combined with his open, out-going personality, he'll probably do well.
He won an engineering scholarship for two years at the community college, and two years at Mega-State U. It will be more demanding on an academic level than anything he's ever seen before. I don't really know if he's engineer material, or not; I think there's a big part of him that's more interested in teaching/coaching. And honestly, I'm fine with whatever he wants to do; I just hope he doesn't feel like he has to get an engineering degree to make me happy.
But I could hardly be more proud. 4M is just a really, really solid kid, and for a kid with the kind of 'popularity' that's been handed to him, he's amazingly well-grounded. More than one of his teachers have told us how he'd help the struggling kids in his classes, without any hint of condescension. And that, more than any grades, or honors, or awards, makes me proud of my son.
-------------------------
So, our family is in a time of transitions. It is starting to dawn on Molly and me that we've got 11 years left before 8M graduates high school, which means we're nearly three-quarters of the way through what will be 38 years of raising minor children. And it's just starting to creep into our consciousness that, when it's over, much as it will be a relief, we'll miss it. We were at an open house for the youngest of eleven children of friends of ours, and the wife was saying, "We've never been 'just us'; all we've ever done is raise kids together. So now we've got to figure out who we are." That hasn't quite been the case for Molly and me, but by the time all's said and done, being parents together will have been pretty much THE huge, defining feature of both our lives, and our marriage.
I just hope that we'll have been faithful to our parental calling, as best we could be. . .
Friday, November 21, 2008
How Did This Kid Come From Me?
When our son 4M started high school, he transferred from the tiny Catholic school that all our kids have attended, to the large public high school (which all our kids have also attended). Since he hadn’t gone to the public middle school, we had to enroll him at the start of the school year. And, since I work out of town, tasks like that typically fall to Molly. So, she took 4M to the school office to get him enrolled, amid the chaos of the first day of school (at a school which we already knew was somewhat ‘administratively challenged’)
So Molly and 4M are standing at the counter in the school office, waiting for some or another administrative functionary to do some or another administrative function that needs doing, so 4M can take his place in the long line of students at Large Public High. While they’re standing there, quietly minding their own business, a young lady sidles up to 4M, in full view and hearing of his mother, and says, completely unsolicited, “You’re hot!”
Which took Molly back, just a bit. I mean, in our day, the girls were more, uh, subtle about insinuating themselves into our attention. Heck, in my case, they were SO subtle that I’m hard-pressed to recall any attempts at insinuation. But that, as they say, was then, and this is now.
I have alluded previously (although it may have been a while ago) that 4M is something of an All-American Boy – tall, good-looking, athletic, hard-working, honor student, thrifty, brave, clean, reverent, and all the rest . And as such, he has attracted somewhat more than the usual share of attention from the fair sex. Which leaves me somewhere between scratching my head in perplexity, and scratching my head with something more akin to envy. (Molly swears that he’s mine; I asked, just to be sure). Which might account for the density of the hair on the top of my head.
-------------------------
Also, when 4M was still in the Catholic middle school, he attracted the attention of a young lady from one of the other Catholic schools in OurTown. A very attractive young lady, and the daughter of a dentist. Over time, as they passed into high school (she went to the Catholic high school, but that hardly mattered, since 4M had lots of friends that went there), their relationship grew into something of a more ‘serious’ nature.
Molly and I resisted him having a girlfriend, reasoning that such an ‘exclusive’ relationship really only had its appropriate context when marriage was a possible end result. But, we also knew that we didn’t want to ‘drive the relationship underground’. So, we developed a kind of uneasy truce.
Once, a couple years ago, Molly and I went away for a 4-day weekend retreat. We farmed the younger kids out to spend the weekend at friends’ houses, but we let 4M and 5M stay at home, to fend for themselves in our absence. Before we left, we told the boys to mind themselves, because if they misbehaved, our neighbors in the community would let us know. Assured that they would be on their best behavior, we went on our retreat.
A couple days later, in the midst of the retreat, we got a phone call from one of the neighbors, saying that they’d seen a young lady going into our house, and then noticing that all the shades were drawn. I asked my neighbor what, exactly, he’d be willing to do in the situation, and he said, what do you want me to do?
I asked him if he’d be willing to go over and knock on the door, and let 4M know that his parents were up to speed on what he was up to, and that it was time for the young lady to be on her way. Which he did, and he called me back to report on the outcome.
He explained how he’d let himself into the house, and found 4M and the young lady sitting together on the couch, and he’d said what we’d agreed he would, and the young lady left.
“And I have to tell you,” he continued, “this was an EXTREMELY good-looking young lady.”
(*sigh*)
So, we had the long talk about trustworthiness (following on his late-night escapades with his sister’s car), and what was appropriate behavior for a single young man with members of the opposite sex, and so forth. I even took him over to the girl’s house, and had him apologize to her father (which, though the dad took it with all due seriousness, also amused him somewhat).
-------------------------
4M also convinced us to get him a cell phone, so we could stay in touch with him, given all our respective busy schedules. We looked into it, and if we dropped the long-distance from our home phone, it was actually a decently attractive deal, from a financial standpoint. What we hadn’t fully reckoned with, in our naivete, was that there were other people for 4M to talk to on his cell phone besides us. And his cell phone could do incoming calls just as well as outgoing ones.
One morning at the breakfast table, 4M was especially groggy, and he had an odd look on his face. I asked him how he’d slept, and he said “not so good”. I asked why not, and he got a very odd look, and he pulled me aside to talk privately.
“A girl called me at 2AM,” he said.
What? What in the world did she have to say to you at 2AM?
“She said she was horny, and wanted me to come over to her house so we could have sex.”
Well, I just about dropped my teeth. Two thoughts immediately shot through my brain –
1) That’s a pretty bold little chickadee, right there, and
2) Where were the girls like that when I was in high school? (I'm kidding!)
I did trouble to ask whether he had gone to her house, and he assured me he hadn’t, but that he found the whole experience to be perplexing. Which perplexity was reassuring to me, as his father. And we had a good father-son heart-to-heart on the general topic of “How shall a young man keep himself pure?” (Ps. 119:9)
-------------------------
The thing is, 4M really does aim at living a Christian life, as best he’s able. And I want to help him do that, as best I’m able. But I confess that the combination of his own junior-stud-muffin looks and the, uh, more aggressive nature of the young women of his acquaintance, have presented him with a degree of challenge that I never had to face. In fact, we ended up backing off some in our resistance to his having a girlfriend, because he told us that, if he had a girlfriend, the other girls would leave him alone. Which really has proven to be the case.
And I keep asking myself, where did this kid come from? Neither Molly nor I were super-popular in high school, and while we weren’t considered ugly, we weren’t considered more-than-normally attractive, either. So, a son who has strangers sidling up to him in the hall, telling him how hot he is, in front of his mother, is a little bit outside our experience. I genuinely appreciate his heart, and his determination to do the right thing. But sometimes, I can only shake my head at what he’s been given to deal with. One of Molly’s favorite sayings is, “It takes a steady hand to hold a full cup,” and I only hope that, especially as he gets older, and living on his own, he can have a hand that’s steady enough to deal with the cup he’s been given. . .
So Molly and 4M are standing at the counter in the school office, waiting for some or another administrative functionary to do some or another administrative function that needs doing, so 4M can take his place in the long line of students at Large Public High. While they’re standing there, quietly minding their own business, a young lady sidles up to 4M, in full view and hearing of his mother, and says, completely unsolicited, “You’re hot!”
Which took Molly back, just a bit. I mean, in our day, the girls were more, uh, subtle about insinuating themselves into our attention. Heck, in my case, they were SO subtle that I’m hard-pressed to recall any attempts at insinuation. But that, as they say, was then, and this is now.
I have alluded previously (although it may have been a while ago) that 4M is something of an All-American Boy – tall, good-looking, athletic, hard-working, honor student, thrifty, brave, clean, reverent, and all the rest . And as such, he has attracted somewhat more than the usual share of attention from the fair sex. Which leaves me somewhere between scratching my head in perplexity, and scratching my head with something more akin to envy. (Molly swears that he’s mine; I asked, just to be sure). Which might account for the density of the hair on the top of my head.
-------------------------
Also, when 4M was still in the Catholic middle school, he attracted the attention of a young lady from one of the other Catholic schools in OurTown. A very attractive young lady, and the daughter of a dentist. Over time, as they passed into high school (she went to the Catholic high school, but that hardly mattered, since 4M had lots of friends that went there), their relationship grew into something of a more ‘serious’ nature.
Molly and I resisted him having a girlfriend, reasoning that such an ‘exclusive’ relationship really only had its appropriate context when marriage was a possible end result. But, we also knew that we didn’t want to ‘drive the relationship underground’. So, we developed a kind of uneasy truce.
Once, a couple years ago, Molly and I went away for a 4-day weekend retreat. We farmed the younger kids out to spend the weekend at friends’ houses, but we let 4M and 5M stay at home, to fend for themselves in our absence. Before we left, we told the boys to mind themselves, because if they misbehaved, our neighbors in the community would let us know. Assured that they would be on their best behavior, we went on our retreat.
A couple days later, in the midst of the retreat, we got a phone call from one of the neighbors, saying that they’d seen a young lady going into our house, and then noticing that all the shades were drawn. I asked my neighbor what, exactly, he’d be willing to do in the situation, and he said, what do you want me to do?
I asked him if he’d be willing to go over and knock on the door, and let 4M know that his parents were up to speed on what he was up to, and that it was time for the young lady to be on her way. Which he did, and he called me back to report on the outcome.
He explained how he’d let himself into the house, and found 4M and the young lady sitting together on the couch, and he’d said what we’d agreed he would, and the young lady left.
“And I have to tell you,” he continued, “this was an EXTREMELY good-looking young lady.”
(*sigh*)
So, we had the long talk about trustworthiness (following on his late-night escapades with his sister’s car), and what was appropriate behavior for a single young man with members of the opposite sex, and so forth. I even took him over to the girl’s house, and had him apologize to her father (which, though the dad took it with all due seriousness, also amused him somewhat).
-------------------------
4M also convinced us to get him a cell phone, so we could stay in touch with him, given all our respective busy schedules. We looked into it, and if we dropped the long-distance from our home phone, it was actually a decently attractive deal, from a financial standpoint. What we hadn’t fully reckoned with, in our naivete, was that there were other people for 4M to talk to on his cell phone besides us. And his cell phone could do incoming calls just as well as outgoing ones.
One morning at the breakfast table, 4M was especially groggy, and he had an odd look on his face. I asked him how he’d slept, and he said “not so good”. I asked why not, and he got a very odd look, and he pulled me aside to talk privately.
“A girl called me at 2AM,” he said.
What? What in the world did she have to say to you at 2AM?
“She said she was horny, and wanted me to come over to her house so we could have sex.”
Well, I just about dropped my teeth. Two thoughts immediately shot through my brain –
1) That’s a pretty bold little chickadee, right there, and
2) Where were the girls like that when I was in high school? (I'm kidding!)
I did trouble to ask whether he had gone to her house, and he assured me he hadn’t, but that he found the whole experience to be perplexing. Which perplexity was reassuring to me, as his father. And we had a good father-son heart-to-heart on the general topic of “How shall a young man keep himself pure?” (Ps. 119:9)
-------------------------
The thing is, 4M really does aim at living a Christian life, as best he’s able. And I want to help him do that, as best I’m able. But I confess that the combination of his own junior-stud-muffin looks and the, uh, more aggressive nature of the young women of his acquaintance, have presented him with a degree of challenge that I never had to face. In fact, we ended up backing off some in our resistance to his having a girlfriend, because he told us that, if he had a girlfriend, the other girls would leave him alone. Which really has proven to be the case.
And I keep asking myself, where did this kid come from? Neither Molly nor I were super-popular in high school, and while we weren’t considered ugly, we weren’t considered more-than-normally attractive, either. So, a son who has strangers sidling up to him in the hall, telling him how hot he is, in front of his mother, is a little bit outside our experience. I genuinely appreciate his heart, and his determination to do the right thing. But sometimes, I can only shake my head at what he’s been given to deal with. One of Molly’s favorite sayings is, “It takes a steady hand to hold a full cup,” and I only hope that, especially as he gets older, and living on his own, he can have a hand that’s steady enough to deal with the cup he’s been given. . .
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
If I Had a Hammer
When he was little, our son 4M (now 16) was into ‘working man stuff’ – tools and machinery. One summer, the city re-worked our sewers, which meant that the street was torn up all summer, and a whole menagerie of heavy equipment passed in front of our porch the whole time. 4M was in juvenile testosterone heaven.
Hammers, in particular, held a kind of ‘Jungian archetypal’ fascination for him. A hammer was like a symbol of power for him – “I hammer, therefore I am”. Molly bought him a little tack-hammer, and he carried that hammer around with him like it was the Mighty Hammer of Thor. Of course, this also got us into the realms of parental nonsense – “I gave you this hammer, but don’t hammer anything.” I eventually gave him a little 2-foot chunk of a two-by-four, and a little box of nails, so he could hammer away to his heart's content.
One time I was working on some minor maintenance project, which required the use of my hammer. I brought 4M along with me, thinking that I could give him a few small hammering jobs where he could actually be helpful, and he was. But he also noticed that Dad’s hammer was bigger than his, which made perfect sense to his four-year-old cosmology – Dad was bigger and more powerful than he was, so it only stood to reason that Dad would have a bigger hammer. And it was hard to miss the vaguely (or maybe not-so-vaguely) phallic aspect of it.
That year, for Christmas, we went to my parents’ house for the holidays. One day while we were there, the wheels got to turning in 4M’s head – if Grandpa is Dad’s dad, then. . . He went to my dad and asked, “Grandpa, how big is your hammer?” My dad didn’t understand, and asked him to repeat the question.
“How big is your hammer, Grandpa?”
My dad gave a little chuckle, got up from where he was sitting, and went down into the basement, calling over his shoulder as he went, “I’ll be right back.”
A minute later, he returned, carrying a 12-pound sledge-hammer. 4M’s eyes bulged out of their sockets. “Oh, Grandpa – you’ve got a BIIIIIG hammer.”
“That’s right,” my dad told him. “And don’t you forget it!”
While we all rolled on the floor laughing.
(6 comments)
Hammers, in particular, held a kind of ‘Jungian archetypal’ fascination for him. A hammer was like a symbol of power for him – “I hammer, therefore I am”. Molly bought him a little tack-hammer, and he carried that hammer around with him like it was the Mighty Hammer of Thor. Of course, this also got us into the realms of parental nonsense – “I gave you this hammer, but don’t hammer anything.” I eventually gave him a little 2-foot chunk of a two-by-four, and a little box of nails, so he could hammer away to his heart's content.
One time I was working on some minor maintenance project, which required the use of my hammer. I brought 4M along with me, thinking that I could give him a few small hammering jobs where he could actually be helpful, and he was. But he also noticed that Dad’s hammer was bigger than his, which made perfect sense to his four-year-old cosmology – Dad was bigger and more powerful than he was, so it only stood to reason that Dad would have a bigger hammer. And it was hard to miss the vaguely (or maybe not-so-vaguely) phallic aspect of it.
That year, for Christmas, we went to my parents’ house for the holidays. One day while we were there, the wheels got to turning in 4M’s head – if Grandpa is Dad’s dad, then. . . He went to my dad and asked, “Grandpa, how big is your hammer?” My dad didn’t understand, and asked him to repeat the question.
“How big is your hammer, Grandpa?”
My dad gave a little chuckle, got up from where he was sitting, and went down into the basement, calling over his shoulder as he went, “I’ll be right back.”
A minute later, he returned, carrying a 12-pound sledge-hammer. 4M’s eyes bulged out of their sockets. “Oh, Grandpa – you’ve got a BIIIIIG hammer.”
“That’s right,” my dad told him. “And don’t you forget it!”
While we all rolled on the floor laughing.
(6 comments)
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
This Week On 'All My Children'
Things with us are actually in a relatively peaceful state, right at the moment. 1F is through with all the court haggling - her baby's adoption is final, and her relationship with the adoptive parents is working out pretty well. She's working, and this fall she's back in school, studying speech pathology. So her life is in as good a place as it's been in a long, long time. It’s a little hard being a 24-year-old college freshman – all her age-peers have long since graduated and gotten on with their lives – but that’s a pretty minor complaint, compared to where she’s been.
2F is still doing well – she’s one or two classes away from getting her initial ‘professional’ certification, which will allow her to make more of a real living for herself. She moved out of our basement ‘apartment’, and in with some single women from our Christian community. When she completes her certification, she’s giving serious thought to doing a year of voluntary missionary work.
Even with 3M, things aren't as bad as they've been. He's starting to see the fruit of the crap he's been throwing around for the last several years, and starting to think that he needs to take a different approach. He actually told Molly recently that he wants to start turning his life around. Of course, we're all in favor of that, and we want to encourage him to do that. But he's spent years forming bad habits that he's going to need to break if he really wants to turn his life around. It won't be easy, and we told him that. But at least the need is recognized, and the desire is there.
In other ways, he’s sort of floundering right at the moment. He can't seem to find a job, but he bought himself a beater van. But he's got no money to put gas in it, so he leaves it parked on the street in front of our house. . . . At any rate, he's only got a month or so to go before his life starts running according to somebody else's script for a while.
4M is back in school for his sophomore year in high school. His date with the magistrate in August went as well as it possibly could have – all the charges against him were dropped, since he’s got no prior record, he’s a good student, and an otherwise upstanding citizen. He’s got ‘points’ against him just sitting there, waiting for him to get a driver’s license, but he’s in no hurry for that right now (and neither are we, given what his insurance rates would likely be). He seems to have been chastened by the whole experience. That would be a good thing. We keep getting flashes of hot-headed defiance from him that we’d rather do without, but some (most?) of that falls under the heading of ‘teenaged male’.
The younger kids are pretty much status quo, at least per this previous post. Growing in wisdom and stature, and all that. But we’ll see what adventures they’ve got stored up for us, when the time comes. . .
(6comments)
2F is still doing well – she’s one or two classes away from getting her initial ‘professional’ certification, which will allow her to make more of a real living for herself. She moved out of our basement ‘apartment’, and in with some single women from our Christian community. When she completes her certification, she’s giving serious thought to doing a year of voluntary missionary work.
Even with 3M, things aren't as bad as they've been. He's starting to see the fruit of the crap he's been throwing around for the last several years, and starting to think that he needs to take a different approach. He actually told Molly recently that he wants to start turning his life around. Of course, we're all in favor of that, and we want to encourage him to do that. But he's spent years forming bad habits that he's going to need to break if he really wants to turn his life around. It won't be easy, and we told him that. But at least the need is recognized, and the desire is there.
In other ways, he’s sort of floundering right at the moment. He can't seem to find a job, but he bought himself a beater van. But he's got no money to put gas in it, so he leaves it parked on the street in front of our house. . . . At any rate, he's only got a month or so to go before his life starts running according to somebody else's script for a while.
4M is back in school for his sophomore year in high school. His date with the magistrate in August went as well as it possibly could have – all the charges against him were dropped, since he’s got no prior record, he’s a good student, and an otherwise upstanding citizen. He’s got ‘points’ against him just sitting there, waiting for him to get a driver’s license, but he’s in no hurry for that right now (and neither are we, given what his insurance rates would likely be). He seems to have been chastened by the whole experience. That would be a good thing. We keep getting flashes of hot-headed defiance from him that we’d rather do without, but some (most?) of that falls under the heading of ‘teenaged male’.
The younger kids are pretty much status quo, at least per this previous post. Growing in wisdom and stature, and all that. But we’ll see what adventures they’ve got stored up for us, when the time comes. . .
(6comments)
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
Et Tu. . . ?
A week ago Sunday, Molly got up early, as she always does on Sundays, to help 5M do the paper route, and the message light on the answering machine was flashing. Strange. She checked the messages, and they were all from the police, letting us know that they had 4M in the overnight lockup. What? Were they talking about the right kid?. Anyway, I got up and went downtown to spring yet another of my kids from jail. . .
It seems that 4M was out with his buddies for a little after-hours frivolity, and got caught waiting for a ride, so he 'borrowed' his sister's (2F's) car. Which would have been damned inconsiderate, taken by itself. But he's only 15 and DOESN'T HAVE A DRIVER'S LICENSE! Or even a learner's permit! Even that wouldn't have amounted to much until the police caught him going 52 in a 35mph zone. So all of a sudden - cha-ching, cha-ching, cha-ching - speeding, driving without a license, and breaking curfew (in OurTown, kids under 16 are supposed to be off the streets after midnight). So the officer took 4M downtown (and very helpfully left the the car in a nearby parking lot for us to retrieve at our convenience).
This is our 'GOOD' kid - The All-American Boy.
Well, now he's got a $115 speeding ticket to pay, and he gets to appear before a magistrate to find out when he'll even be eligible to get a driver's license, and to what extent his freedom will be curtailed. Oh, boy.
I was very good; I didn't lose my temper, didn't even raise my voice (much). I just told him, as calmly and clearly as I could, how disappointed I was, how this had damaged my trust for him, that it would take a while for him to rebuild my trust, and that he wouldn't be getting the freedom and priviliges that he would have if I still trusted him.
AND HE GETS MAD AT ME! Starts telling me that now I'm four-for-four with my oldest kids getting picked up by the police, and that can't be a coincidence - obviously we're failing miserably at our parental duties. I just sat there with my mouth open.
So Sunday afternoon, he headed up to his room, saying he was tired and wanted to take a nap. A while later, I was upstairs in one of the other kids' rooms; I stuck my head in to check on 4M, and he was gone! He'd called one of his buddies, then snuck out the back door to go to another buddy's graduation party. We finally tracked him down, and went to get him. When I asked him what he was thinking, he said, "Well, you're just gonna take everything away from me, so I might as well just be rebellious and do whatever I want."
What I really want to know is, what alien keeps sneaking into my kids' rooms at night and sucking out all their brains?
Thing is, 4M is really a pretty good kid; I think he'll actually learn the lesson he's being given, without the Universe giving him too much of a beating first. But he's been running way too wild lately (much wilder than we thought he was, you can be sure), and needs to be reined in. I was talking with his football coach a couple days ago, and the coach said that he's been "pretty full of himself, pretty cocky lately". Sounds like the coach and I are seeing the same stuff.
So, it's a shock to us, for sure, but it's not the end of the world. You know, experience in dealing with the police is one of those things you never really hope to gain in the course of your life, but. . . you do what you've got to do. 2F actually got 'scared straight' by her brush (years ago) with the law, and I'm hopeful that 4M will do likewise. Really, he's got too much going for him to flush it over some late-night rowdiness, and I think he understands that.
Well, I've certainly been on kind of a downer around here lately. Truthfully, things aren't as awful as all that, but it has been an intense couple weeks. So I need to post something lighter soon, or you all will start to wonder about me, too. . .
(2 comments)
It seems that 4M was out with his buddies for a little after-hours frivolity, and got caught waiting for a ride, so he 'borrowed' his sister's (2F's) car. Which would have been damned inconsiderate, taken by itself. But he's only 15 and DOESN'T HAVE A DRIVER'S LICENSE! Or even a learner's permit! Even that wouldn't have amounted to much until the police caught him going 52 in a 35mph zone. So all of a sudden - cha-ching, cha-ching, cha-ching - speeding, driving without a license, and breaking curfew (in OurTown, kids under 16 are supposed to be off the streets after midnight). So the officer took 4M downtown (and very helpfully left the the car in a nearby parking lot for us to retrieve at our convenience).
This is our 'GOOD' kid - The All-American Boy.
Well, now he's got a $115 speeding ticket to pay, and he gets to appear before a magistrate to find out when he'll even be eligible to get a driver's license, and to what extent his freedom will be curtailed. Oh, boy.
I was very good; I didn't lose my temper, didn't even raise my voice (much). I just told him, as calmly and clearly as I could, how disappointed I was, how this had damaged my trust for him, that it would take a while for him to rebuild my trust, and that he wouldn't be getting the freedom and priviliges that he would have if I still trusted him.
AND HE GETS MAD AT ME! Starts telling me that now I'm four-for-four with my oldest kids getting picked up by the police, and that can't be a coincidence - obviously we're failing miserably at our parental duties. I just sat there with my mouth open.
So Sunday afternoon, he headed up to his room, saying he was tired and wanted to take a nap. A while later, I was upstairs in one of the other kids' rooms; I stuck my head in to check on 4M, and he was gone! He'd called one of his buddies, then snuck out the back door to go to another buddy's graduation party. We finally tracked him down, and went to get him. When I asked him what he was thinking, he said, "Well, you're just gonna take everything away from me, so I might as well just be rebellious and do whatever I want."
What I really want to know is, what alien keeps sneaking into my kids' rooms at night and sucking out all their brains?
Thing is, 4M is really a pretty good kid; I think he'll actually learn the lesson he's being given, without the Universe giving him too much of a beating first. But he's been running way too wild lately (much wilder than we thought he was, you can be sure), and needs to be reined in. I was talking with his football coach a couple days ago, and the coach said that he's been "pretty full of himself, pretty cocky lately". Sounds like the coach and I are seeing the same stuff.
So, it's a shock to us, for sure, but it's not the end of the world. You know, experience in dealing with the police is one of those things you never really hope to gain in the course of your life, but. . . you do what you've got to do. 2F actually got 'scared straight' by her brush (years ago) with the law, and I'm hopeful that 4M will do likewise. Really, he's got too much going for him to flush it over some late-night rowdiness, and I think he understands that.
Well, I've certainly been on kind of a downer around here lately. Truthfully, things aren't as awful as all that, but it has been an intense couple weeks. So I need to post something lighter soon, or you all will start to wonder about me, too. . .
(2 comments)
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